Journey of a Japanoodle

As if learning the language wasn't hard enough, Japanese classes in America tend to attract the kind of student who makes you wish that a large comet would strike the earth. There are a few basic types of students that you'll always find yourself running into. These include The Anime Freak, The Know It All, and the Deer Caught In Headlights.

The Anime Freak is probably the most common, and one of the most annoying. You can usually spot a few warning signs to let you identify them before you talk to them and it's too late: they wear the same exact Evangelion shirt every day, they have more than one anime key chain on their person (even one is pushing it), they wear glasses, they say phrases in Japanese that they obviously don't understand (such as "Yes! I will never forgive you!"), they refer to you as "-chan", make obscure Japanese culture references during class, and are usually failing. You have to be extremely careful not to let them smell pity or fear on you, because if they do, they will immediately latch onto you and suck up both your time and patience, leaving only a lifeless husk incapable of human feeling. Desperate for companionship that doesn't give off a soft blue glow and have a Windows Logo, they will invite you to club meetings, anime showings, conventions, and all other sorts of gatherings you don't care about.

The Know It All typically has a Japanese girlfriend or boyfriend, and, due to this "inside source" on Japanese culture, has suddenly become an academic expert on all things Japanese without ever having read a single book on Japan in their entire lives. You can usually spot Know It All's by keeping an eye out for these warning signs: a cocky smile, answering more than their share of questions, getting most questions wrong, enquiring the teacher on various subjects and then arguing about the answers (a typical exchange: Student: What does "ohayoo" mean? Teacher: It means "good morning". Student: That's not what my girlfriend said.), being wrong, talking a lot about Japanese food and being wrong, giving long, unnecessarily detailed answers which are wrong, and failing class.

The Deer Caught In Headlights are those students who took Japanese because a.) they thought it sounded like fun, b.) they thought it would be easy, or c.) they just needed a couple more credits to graduate. These students wear a mask of terror and panic from the moment they walk into class until the moment they leave, the high pitched scream of their future being flushed down the toilet echoing inside their heads. They are usually failing.

Although many of Japanese-language students are smart, funny, hard working people, none of them will be in your class.


If you can get past the difficulty, society, and classmates, you will probably find Japanese to be a fun, rewarding language to learn. We wouldn't know, however, since no one has ever gotten that far. But hey, I'm sure you're different.
Author's Note: Yes, I was a Japanese major. Yes, I enjoyed it. Yes, I finished. No, I don't want to go to an anime convention with you.

I think everyone should give Japanese a try. You should just be ready for a whole lot of pain.

HAPPY LANGUAGE LEARNING!


(to be discontinued)