When most Americans think of Japanese people, they think: polite, respectful, accommodating. (They could also possibly think: Chinese. If you haven't noticed, Americans are idiots, and can't tell 3/4 of the globe apart from one another). However, it is important to learn where the truth ends and where our Western stereotyping begins. Of course, it would be irresponsible to make any sweeping generalizations about such a large group of people, but ALL Japanese people have these three characteristics: they "speak" English, they dress very nicely, and they're short.
The Japanese school system is controlled by Japan's central government, which, of course, is not biased in any way (recent Japanese history textbook title: "White Demons Attempt To Take Away Our Holy Motherland With No Proper Reason Whatsoever, But Great And Powerful Father-Emperor Deflects Them With Winds From God: The Story Of WWII"). Because of this, all Japanese have been taught the same English-language course, which consists of reading The Canterbury Tales, watching several episodes of M*A*S*H, and reading the English dictionary from cover to cover. Armed with this extensive language knowledge, the children of Japan emerge from school ready to take part in international business and affairs, uttering such remarkable and memorable sentences as "You have no chance to survive make your time", and adding to their own products by inscribing English slogans, such as "Just give this a Paul. It may be the Paul of your life" on the side of a slot machine.
Secondly, all Japanese people dress extremely well. This fits in with the larger Japanese attitude of neatness and order. Everything has to be in its correct place with the Japanese, or a small section in the right lobe of their brain begins to have seizures and they exhibit erratic violent behaviour until the messiness is eradicated. The Japanese even FOLD THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES (I swear). Sloppiness is not tolerated in Japanese society, and someone with a small wrinkle in their shirt, one that maybe they thought they could hide by wearing a hooded sweatshirt over it (possibly emblazoned with a catchy English phrase like "Spread Beaver, Violence Jack-Off!"), will be promptly beaten to death with tiny cellphones with tons of crap hanging off them.
Lastly, the Japanese are all short. Really, really short. Not ones to leave being tall to the Europeans or Africans, however, the Japanese have single-handedly brought shoes with incredibly gigantic soles into style so that they can finally appear to be of actual human height, when in reality their height suggests that they may indeed be closer in relation to the race of dwarves or Hobbits. Then again, they make up for it with their crane-game technology, light-years beyond our own.
(to be continued)
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