Oportunidad Perdida.

Recently I was presented with an opportunity to spend a year in Mexico as an exchange student. At first, I broke down in tears because there was nothing worse than being away from those I love. I imagined myself coming back home to completely different people than I had left behind. I imagined that they would forget the times we spent together and would have moved on to better, more interesting things. I imagined loosing my friends, everything I hold dear.

School is my refuge. At the end of each day, when I walk through the third floor hallway with my backpack heavy with books, a huge grin spreads on my face as I hear people chattering excitedly to one another, telling their friends about their day, complaining how much science homework they got, rushing past me to hand in late assignments, repeating a funny story someone told them or just waving goodbye, only to see the same people again tomorrow. Isolating me from the familiar bustle of home for a year was absolute terror.

Then another opportunity came along, one more manageable to my secret heart. It tempted me to spend half a year in Mexico, which sounded better and was definitely easier to imagine. I still refused but wasn't given a chance to speak my mind. So out of boredom, I began slowly wrapping my head around it and even got a little bit excited at the thought of fulfilling a small part of my lifelong goal - to know the world. It became a very realistic idea in my mind and I thought quite a bit about what an adventure I would have and how it would change me as an individual. Being an exchange student was also very appealing to me because many of my idols and inspirations, as well as good friends, have been exchange students themselves and the experience had given them enormous advantages in their lives and careers. But then I thought of how much my grades would drop when I came back to Vancouver, and my dream was instantly shattered.

I was afraid that I would have to repeat a grade and not graduate with the ones I came to know so well through the years, those whom I shared so many memories with. I was afraid that I would be excluded because of everything I missed out on - the jokes, the laughter, the tears, the moments. I was afraid that I would be alone because people would have already formed social circles at the beginning of the year and it would be hard to fit in again. I was afraid that those I love would change while I was gone, and I wouldn't be alongside them. Simply put, I was afraid of leaving the tight-knit community I have been part of all these years.