Catty Remarks

When I live alone in my Toronto apartment while attending university, I'm bound to feel a little isolated. Since I can't stand being the only soul around and living with people is just too difficult at times, I thought having a pet would be the best option. Now all you dog lovers out there, simmer down. There's no way a young university student can juggle education, friends, a part-time job, a future career, taxes, tuition fees and annoying parents, and still have time to look after someone else. Well, maybe some can. Just not me. I'm not going to have any time nor energy to take care of a dog. I decided that it would be in my best interests to adopt a cat.

Don't bludgeon me to death when I say that I think cats are better than dogs anyway. Maybe it's because I've always admired their independence, liberated attitude and the total control they have over their lives. Or maybe simply because cats and women fall into the same category: the black, mysterious half of Yin Yang.

I'm sure I will get some hate comments as soon as this goes up over why dogs are better than cats. But before that happens, I'd like to introduce some very legitimate reasons why it would be more suitable for me to adopt a cat.

- Cats calmly make daily deposits into their regular bank; while dogs never seem to come to a decision regarding which fire hydrant would charge them a lower interest rate.

- I don't need to bother with names, "Cat" will do just fine. What's the point? They don't come when they're called anyway.

- I will be able to take my cat into the car without having it run all over me to fog the windshield with its revolting breath.

- A cat will help to get all that nasty, stuck on varnish off the legs of my brand-new furniture. Bare wood is more natural, and splinters give it that rustic, homely look.

- My couch will be guarded from cookie crumbs and coffee spills by a thick layer of fur; it will also protect my Gucci pants when I sit down. This is great, as cat hair protects fabrics from acid rain, nuclear radiation and the Sun's Xenta rays.

- I don't need my pet to warn me of burglars, I have a house alarm and loaded firearms fot that. 

- Cats entertain themselves. Need I say more?

The most beautiful and magestic cat breed in the universe.