The last time I saw my brother, we were at Michiko's house and someone called him on the phone. Since the phone was only a few steps from where the rest of us where having tea, I could hear his part of the conversation. It sounded like a business call, probably from one of the customers for his wholesale store.The caller did most of the talking, and my brother was simply agreeing. "Hai, hai," he said, over and over: "Yes, yes." Every ten or twenty seconds, he said, "Sumimasen," which could mean "I'm sorry," "Thank you very much for your trouble," "I'm glad you are doing me a favor," or all of the above. Every time he said Sumimasen or another standard phrase, Arigatou gozaimasu - "Thank you" - he pressed the receiver to his ear and bowed. He was doing the same thing our mother used to do, and speaking in a high, smooth voice, using all the levels of honorifics I had forgotten or never learned.
"One of the stores downtown," he told us after he hung up. He rolled his eyes. "I hate these people. They always drive such a hard bargain. They're dumb but aggressive. That guy who called was the worst of them all."
Jumpei had been forced to be polite to hold on to the caller's business - not because he liked or respected him. He wasn't embarrassed to criticize the caller behind his back, to admit that is own effusive gratitude and apologies had been insincere. If he was only pretending to be polite, I wondered, why did he make a physical gesture that the caller couldn't see? He could have been rolling his eyes and grimacing the whole time he was delivering polite apologies, as I probably would have - but instead, he had not only sounded but looked deeply grateful. I wasn't sure if the visual effect was strategic (his voice would not have sounded right without the physical gesture) or reflexive (he didn't even know that he was bowing).
I know that physical gestures are arbitrary codes and symbols in any culture. Handshakes and hugs are not the only expressions of good will. Still, some gestures and "body language" signals seem natural, instinctive, universal. Even a dog will shake hands; my cats tap my face with their paws or jump on my shoulder and rub their heads against my face when they want my attention. There is some universal urge - human and animal - to reach out and touch hands (or paws) and faces as expressions of affection and good will. Bowing seems a little more abstract, a little further removed from the physical or instinctual. You can train a dog to shake hands, to sit, to retrieve balls, even to sing on command; gorillas have been taught to use computer keyboard or to sign for words. Though perhaps it is possible, I cannot imagine Koko and Michael bowing to each other.
Kyoko Mori, Polite Lies
No comments:
Post a Comment